Vault: Wit and Wisdom from 1958

Travel back to 1958. Gas was a quarter. Rent was $92. A house cost less than $13,000. Hula hoops were all the rage. At ITD, there was wit, wisdom, and we were not yet governed by political correctness. Nothing terrible -- just free of restraint (and maybe common sense) in many ways. Here are a few samples from the Transporter of the day:

"Some people are like blotters. They soak it all in but get it backwards."

A new actor said to his family, “Hurray! I just landed a part in a new play -- I play the role of a man married 25 years.”
"Maybe next time you’ll get a speaking part,” his father replied

Happiness is that peculiar sensation you acquire when you are too busy to be miserable."

"A Chrysanthemum by any other name would at least be easier to spell."

"Every man has a right to his own opinion, but no man has a right to be wrong in his facts."

A frustrated motorist had been trying to pass a huge truck for many miles. Every time he tried to go around a truck, the driver increased his speed or swerved slightly toward the middle of the road. Finally, at a stop sign, the motorist pulled alongside the truck driver's window.

'Well?", growled the truck driver, glaring at the motorist.

"Nothing important," was the reply. "I know what you are. I just wanted to see what one looks like."

The curfew tolls the knell of parting day;
The line of cars winds slowly o'er the lea.
the pedestrian plods his absent-minded way,
and leaves the world quite unexpectedly.

An Arctic Explorer was telling his experience to another. "It was so cold,' he exclaimed, "that the flame of the only candle we had froze so solid we couldn't blow it out."

"That wasn't so bad," said the rival. "Where we were it was so cold that our words came out in chunks of ice, and we had to fry them to find out what we were talking about.'

If things don’t seem to be coming your way,
perhaps you're on the wrong road.

Money still talks, but you have to increase
the volume if you want to get the message

“Frequent water drinking prevents you from becoming stiff at the joints.
'”Yes, but some of the joints don’t serve water.”

The tongue weighs practically nothing, but so few people are able to hold it.

And this Jetson-like revelation:

Opposing lanes will be separated by dividing strip called a MEDIAN. This wiII reduce the possibility of head-on collisions, sideswiping oncoming vehicles' and will greatly reduce the glare from headlights of vehicles in opposing traffic lanes.

Published 05-03-19